Thursday, February 21, 2013

The Family History Writing Challenge - My Nightmare!

Since this is the 34th Anniversary of my husband's death, I wanted to repost this in memory of him.

This is day 21 in The Family History Writing Challenge.  I have been thinking about writing this story all month.  It is the hardest story I have to write.  I don't know if I will be able to do it justice.  Sometimes you can be too close to a story to tell it very well.  I guess we'll see.  This is my story.

On July 2, 1979, I was at home with my children.  My husband, Roy, was at work.  He was a trooper with the Indiana State Police.  He had now been working with them for three years.  We moved to the area about 2 1/2 years ago.  We had made friends in our town and lots of friends on the department.  The Indiana State Police was a huge family in those years.  My husband had just gotten back from a two-week camp for Officer's Training with the Army National Guard.  He was now a Second Lieutenant.  

He had returned a few days before and still had a couple of days off.  We decided it would be a great time to redo our daughter's bedroom.  We took the furniture out of the room and removed the carpet, new carpet was going to be installed the next day.  We got the room painted and everything was ready for the carpet delivery.  Our daughter's bed was put in her brother's room where she was going to spend the night.  

The State Police worked  a six day on, two day off swing shift in those days.  Roy was working an evening shift that evening.  He left before dark to start his shift.    He shift would be over at midnight. It was summer so the kids and I played outside.  Around dark the kids came inside and and started getting settled for the evening.  Roy called and said, "I'll be by to get some dinner in a little while."  He normally came home for dinner on the evening shifts.  Some times he got to eat before he was called back out, other times he didn't.  This was a good evening, things must have been quiet on the roads.  He ate bacon sandwiches and sat down and watched "Black Sheep Squadron"  with Robert Conrad.  It was his favorite show at the time.  Since it was summer I'm sure it was a rerun.  Before he headed back out we went outside and lit sparklers with the kids.  He kissed all the kids goodnight and headed out the door.  I hollered at him, "Hey, where's my kiss?" He leaned back and gave me a quick peck.  I said, " You call that a kiss? He laughed and said, "You'll get yours later!"  I stood on the porch and watched him drive away.  

I got the kids to bed and watched TV and picked up the house.  I had gotten ready for bed it was getting close to midnight.  I was reading a book, when the phone rang.  One of the other troopers wives called me.  She was a little stressed out.  She said, "Do you have the scanner on?"  I said, "It's on, but I haven't been listening,  I've been busy around here."   She went on to explain that something was going on.  I told her I would start listening.  I brought the scanner to the living room, near the phone, and started listening to the radio traffic.  If you didn't know all their call signals, you wouldn't know what was going on.  I knew the signals.  It didn't take long for me to know they had a trooper injured.  I heard them talking and thought they were talking about a friend of ours.  I called my friend back, and said I thought that Tommy was hurt.  She wasn't very responsive and said, "Maybe."  She seemed different than the first conversation, and was in a hurry to get off the phone.  I sat and listened to the scanner some more trying to get the details.  I soon heard they had a 10-0, which means a death.  They were talking about meeting at the outskirts of our little town and picking up the wives,  so they could notify the "widow".  My friend who had called and I were the only wives in that little town, and the last time I had talked to her she said, Bob had called her a few minutes before.  

At that point, I knew where they were coming.  I knew I needed to get dressed.  I believe I was in shock.  I got up and got dressed and waited.  I heard the cars pull up out front.  I heard the car doors shutting.  I walked to the door and opened it before they could knock.  My husband's friend, Bob was standing there with several other troopers, their wives, and the chaplain.  He just looked at me and said, "What can I say hon?"  He knew I had been talking to his wife and listening to the scanner.

They came in and I broke down for a few minutes.  Then they started asking me questions.  Who do we notify?  Can you give us addresses and phone numbers.  All I could think of was "they need to tell his mother".  They told me they would send a trooper to his mother's house and to my mother's house.  I said, "Okay."  They called and made the arrangements for the troopers to make notification.  They went across the street and got my neighbors.  A women who was like a grandmother to my children, Wilma and a friend, Vickie.  They came over to sit with me.  All at once a thought went through my mind, "she's going to be alone when they tell her."  I immediately got up and went to the phone and called my sister-in-law.  The phone woke her, she answered with an apprehensive sound in her voice.  I said, "Sondra, R.E. died tonight, they are going to tell your mom.  She needs someone there with her right away."  Her husband was asking what was going on.  She told him, "R.E.'s dead."  He told her to hang up, it was just a prank.  She said, "No, it's Betty!"  I don't remember what was said after that, I'm sure she called her brother and they got to her mom as quickly as they could.  
Before long, my house started filling up.  My mother and my sisters showed up.  Roy's mother and his brother and sister showed up.  There were just people coming from everywhere.  Unbelievably my children slept through it all.

As morning got there, I knew I was going to have to tell the children.  I didn't want them to come out into the crowded house and not know what was going on.  I decided to go into the children's bedroom by myself.  My daughter was 6 years old, my son's were four and two.  I went in and sat down with the older two and put the little one on my lap. I told them that something bad had happened to Daddy and he was dead now.  He wouldn't be coming home anymore.  The four year old just looked at me, but my daughter was extremely upset.  She said, "No, I hate you for telling me that!"  The little one didn't understand he just knew it was bad.

The only other things I can remember was going in that day to pick out a casket to put my husband in.  I had never been to pick out a casket before.  When my dad and brother died my mother did it and probably took along some of my older siblings.  

My husband, Roy E. Jones, died in the line-of-duty on July 3, 1979, just a few minutes after midnight.  He had been about 2 minutes from home when he got a call that another small town had a drunk driving running from him and he was heading in my husband's direction.  He turned around and went back to assist the Town Marshall.   He had spent his life serving.  He had been a Green Beret in the Viet Nam War, on a Special Forces Reconnaissance Team.  He served with the 101st Airborne Division.  He came home form the the war with many medals, including the Bronze Star.  He died at the age of 31.








57 comments:

  1. Betty that is such a sad sad story and you certainly did do it justice. It would have been so hard to write. R.I.P Roy E. Jones.

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    1. Thanks, I was very hard to write. After starting to write stories of my family I felt I needed to write this for my children.

      Betty

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    1. Thanks Pam,
      It has been a long time now, but it was difficult to write. My children will have it recorded. I wish my parents would have written some things down.

      Betty

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  3. Betty, I can't imagine how difficult this story was to write. You did it justice.

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    1. Thanks Catherine, I was a very important story for me. I hope my children will read it someday. My daughter reads my blog so I know she will read it soon. It is their story.

      Betty

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  4. Oh, Betty, I can't believe you suffered such a tragedy. I'm so proud of you for finding the courage and the strength to put it into words and share your story with us. And I think, despite how difficult it must have been to write, that you did do it justice.

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  5. First of all, I am so sorry for your loss and I'm sure it is as painful today as it was decades ago. You have a unique position to be a real support for other wives in that circumstance. What a neat writing challenge to chronicle your family history.

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  6. Thanks, yes I have been a part of a large support group called C.O.P.S (Concerns of Police Survivors) for years.

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  7. Wow! You certainly did do your story justice, my friend. I feel like you told it as no one else could. My heart ached for that young wife and mother, and those children. You are a rock, Betty!

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  8. Betty... what else can I add? The other comments have said it all. The only thing I pray is that you'll find strength to write the 'rest of the story'. Since this happened in 1979, I'm quite certain the story doesn't end with that night. May God grant you the strength to write the rest of your story. It will be a tremendous treasure for your children.

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  9. You are a strong woman and you are doing a wonderful job of telling your stories. Keep it up (both your strength and your story-telling)!

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    1. I was 24 when he died, so I had lots to learn, but I came from very strong pioneer stock. Thanks for the encouragement.

      Betty

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  10. That whole story gave me chills. You are obviously very strong.

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    1. I'm not so sure I am all that strong. I guess I just rely on God's help.

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  11. Betty, my heart goes out to you. This must have been a very hard story to write, but an important one to tell just the same, and you did it wonderfully. Peace be with you and your family.

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    1. Thanks, Shelley. It was a very hard story to write. I just felt like it was time to put it down somewhere so my children would have the information. After I wrote it, I wasn't sure whether I wanted to post it. It was too personal. I decided I needed to go ahead and put it on here.

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  12. Betty, I am so sorry for your loss but so proud of you for writing this article. I am so moved by your story, I sit here in tears but I know there is probably so much more to your story and look forward to reading it. Clearly it took some time and distance to write it and that is very important. Not that it was any easier, but your right it was an important story to get down for your children. Thank you for sharing it with us, while it is very personal, it is this very reason why so many will connect with it. Bravo!

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    1. Thanks Lynn, as I wrote it I felt like I was re-experiencing it. It took a couple of days to really feel like writing again. I don't know if I can write more about it. That may take a little time. I am glad that it touched you.

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  13. After reading the other comments, there really isn't much to add -- but I had to say, along with the others, that your children will be thankful that you wrote this down. Even though it's been more than 30 years, I feel your loss. To your daughter -- you are blessed to have such a strong mother.

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  14. Betty, this is such a beautiful and tender tribute to your husband. Thank you so much for sharing it.

    Please know that my heart aches for you and your children for your loss. I hope somehow Roy knows that you have honored him with this beautiful tribute.

    R.I.P Roy E. Jones.

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  15. Thank you for sharing your story. I love genealogy but it is the family history that makes it all come alive. Writing is a healing process but reading about our family is another form of healing. Your children are lucky to have such a record of their dad's death.

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    1. Thanks Bev, I think they will appreciate having it. I just wanted to write it now so when they are ready to read it they will have it.

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  16. Betty, I am absolutely workless. Truly a moving article and a beautiful tribute to your husband. Your children and their children will appreciate your effort. Thanks for sharing it with us.

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  17. Oh my gosh, Betty, I'm just bawling for you and the others who loved him. I'm so very sorry you and your children had to bear such a loss.

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  18. Thanks Rosey, I was a horrible time in my life. My children have grown up to be wonderful people so we survived it. I just want to always keep his memory.

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  19. You did a beautiful job telling this tragic tale. My heart goes out to you and your children.

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  20. Betty...you did an amazing job of writing Roy's story. The heartache will never go away. What an incredible strong parent and woman you are. God Bless !'

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  21. Betty...I think over time you should continue this series about Roy. It's a very good healing process and your writing skills are great. I envy you!!! Curious to know what happened to the murderer and whether he got the death penalty. It's ok if you don't want to talk about it. Understood. How strong you are by taking the first step and others reading your writing may come out and talk about losing their loved ones and start their own healing process. Thanks and God Bless. So happy we are friends thru the Internet.

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  22. Betty, this is such a beautiful tribute to a good and decent family man who gave his life in pursuit of making a living for those he loved. Sadly, this story is repeated every day. I personally know two young wives who suffered the same tragedy. I think the best honor you could give Roy is to live exactly the way you are now - as a strong mother and the person who keeps alive the good name of this good man. God bless you.

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    1. Thanks J. He was a good man! I knew the best way to honor him was to raise our 3 children they way he and I had chosen to raise them. I think he would be proud.

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  23. Not sure how I missed this the first time out, but Betty thank you for sharing Roy's story with us. I can't even imagine what you went through during this time and was actually tearing up reading this. I agree with others who have said this was truly a great step in taking the time to try to put your thoughts into words to possibly begin to heal. I give you tons of credit though not only sharing but what a strong woman you having pulled yourself together and raise your family. Again thank you for sharing.

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    1. Thanks Janine! It was a hard story to tell. I cried as I remembered each detail. My daughter thanked me for writing the story, so I am glad I wrote it. I don't think my sons have read it yet. Just not sure they are ready. It's here for them when they are.

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  24. That was an incredible story Betty. I think you told the story as if it were yesterday. It warms my heart how many people were able to be there and for you before your children ever woke up. When my husband was deployed my mind would drift to the "terrible" sometimes. And I went as far as wondering who would be with me and having to call his mother. Everyone is long distance.

    Thank you for sharing.

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    1. Yes, I was lucky to have caring family and friends. All of our family was about an hour and a half away, so not too far. Thank heavens in those days the state police was a family away from home too. When they showed up they brought all the wives with them. I hope you never have to find out.

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    2. Yes, I was lucky to have caring family and friends. All of our family was about an hour and a half away, so not too far. Thank heavens in those days the state police was a family away from home too. When they showed up they brought all the wives with them. I hope you never have to find out.

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  25. I have tears in my eyes from reading this. It sounds like he was an amazing man!

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    1. He was! He has three amazing children that have some of his best traits. It's amazing how they all have different things from him. My oldest son has so many of his mannerisms and he was only 4 when his dad died.

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    2. He was! He has three amazing children that have some of his best traits. It's amazing how they all have different things from him. My oldest son has so many of his mannerisms and he was only 4 when his dad died.

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  26. Thank you for sharing this story. My heart broke for your children, and for you having to tell them. My heart breaks for Roy’s mother, his sister, and most of all for you. You are as graceful as they get Betty.

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  27. Oh Betty. *HUGS*
    and more hugs.
    I'm so sorry.
    Thanks for sharing.

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